Living the first year with cancer

It's been over a year since I was diagnosed with stage four carcinoid cancer. So far the lesions in my liver have been stable. By that I mean that no new growths have been detected nor have the existing lesions changed. All my doctors tell me to keep doing what I have been doing, with one exception.

I still need to lose fifty pounds. For one day, not too long ago, I was almost under 200 pounds. I swear that I saw 199.9 on the laundry room scale. But the next day that 200 mark was there -- again. Sigh ... . I probably rejoiced in my old fashioned way by celebrating with food. I'm not sure what happened, but the next day I was back to 200. That depressed me and before I knew it I was back up to 210. Sigh ... . Now I'm back to 200. One day at a time.

I do remember feeling like I was losing myself by being thinner. I was losing myself. Even though I have fifty pounds to go, thirty-eight pounds have already disappeared.. My clothes are way too big, they're baggy and I'm constantly pulling them up. Yet I refuse to go buy new ones. After all, I still work in my beloved barns. Suspenders  for my barn jeans would be just fine. And I enjoy wearing slightly loose clothing when we go out.

Other than losing weight, life pretty much goes on as before. Well except for the massive eating changes. My husband and I no longer eat processed foods. Gone are the hamburgers, frozen dinners, frozen pizza, processed meats, and bottled dressings. Yep, he's still losing weight, too. He won't tell me how much (He'd better not.) but his clothes are loose, too. Gone are the carbonated drinks and I don't miss them one bit. Filtered ice water is delicious, as is Gatorade, 100 percent fruit juice, Ensure and green teas. Nope, lost my taste for coffee during my hospital stay. What they serve was not coffee; not the way I make it anyway. Then when I got home, I just didn't want it any more. Sigh ... .

I did start a garden. By starting a garden, I mean I am building it. The location is on a slight hill so I decided to build raised gardens. So far I have four 4 x 8 plots. Each one of those four had to be leveled, front-to-back and side-to-side. My handy cultivator helped me dig out some areas while building up other corners. Neighboring rocks and a few bricks helped level some spaces.. Getting those hummers level was a job but they look terrific and will forever get full sun.

I used a compass to make sure they were dead-on facing north and south; and, a level to make sure they were level in all directions. Being anally-retentive in some areas is OK. It was kind of fun. But I drew the line when it came to leveling the aisles. They're four feet wide but have a slight slope to them. Perfect. As long as a wheelbarrow fits between them, I'm happy.

Speaking of compasses, the bees are facing south-east -- perfectly. They get the morning sun to help them wake up and get beeeeeeezy. We should have honey in the fall and beeswax for making candles.

So, when I say I've built a garden, that's really just the beginning. Now I'm studying more about the seasons, the stars and when to plant or weed, and companion planting; learning which plants do well next to each other. There is so much to learn. And while reading about those topics I learned something else new -- row hedging. As I understand it, row hedging is collection of plants that attracts beneficial bugs. No, there is no end to learning. Perfect.

Bob and I eat more fresh lettuce than ever before. I just walk to the garden and harvest a head of lettuce around supper time. Any non-beneficial worms I find on the plants go to the chickens on the way to the house. Naturally, the weeds go to the goats. They watch every move I make when in the garden. Expecting morsels that I pull from the vegetable plots.

Bob and I will be glad when the broccoli is ready and a few tomatoes are starting to grow.Speaking of which, that reminds me. The two tomato plants in containers near the front door that aren't doing so well so I'll plant some garlic with them by the end of this day. It rained yesterday so the soil will be nice and soft.

Did I mention that I used five-year-old compost as the foundation for my garden beds. Aged complete with hundreds of worms is magic soil that comes from our Poop Mountain. Thanks to our goats and horses, we will have an endless supply of this black gold.

Keep Smiling.

Got a good report from my oncologist yesterday

My Stage Four affected liver (can't live without a liver) lesions are stable and all the blood test 'numbers' are in the right place. We stay with the monthly Octreotide shots and MAY be able to reduce some tests from every 3 months to something less frequent. 

Since there is no cure for carcinoid tumor cancer, this is REALLY good news. Be aware of the symptoms of neuroendocrine tumor cancer or NETS.The S is for syndrome. I don't have that. Thankfully. I have enough to deal with.

I also lost a few pounds -- due to my eating habits not due to the cancer. The main changes are NO processed foods, loads of fresh foods, high protein, and eating foods that fight all cancers. 

My gurus are Andew Wiel with his food as medicine approach, Dr. Oz, of course for his 'stay informed' approach, and Deepak Chopra for his meditative approach. Eating food and staying informed are much easier than meditating. I just cane seem to make the time to meditate. Shame on me. But this is my busy season so I'm focusing on making goat milk soaps for the upcoming festivals. Yes, I know meditation is good for me. I'll work on finding time.

Altered eating habits this weekend ...

... and uhhh can we tell a difference. Husband and I have been eating simply prepared foods: fresh veges, grilled or baked chicken or fish, and ton of salads and juices, and feeling great. I'm lucky that the husband is supportive and willing to eat salads.

But this weekend I needed a kitchen quickie so I bought some KFC. A BIG bucket. We pigged out Friday night on fried chicken, cole slaw and beans. Delicious that night.

The next morning we paid for this indulgence. Bob and I both felt bloated, fat, and full for hours. We didn't care and had more chicken for lunch. What a treat.

Again, that night we paid the price. We could feel the grease in our systems sloshing around.

Soooooo, last night we finally got back on track and had whole wheat penne, grilled chicken dish with tons of tomato sauces. It is so easy to make our own spaghetti sauce we just can bring ourselves to buy prepared sauce any more.

Sometime I need a kitchen quickie but next time I won't buy as much. My eyes are still bigger than my stomach. Yes, I'm working on this.

Started treatment with Octreotide

My first visit to the 'back room' of the cancer center was somewhat comforting. It was a large room with a centralized nursing station surrounded by large over-stuffed comfy-looking chairs. Each chair was encircled with a privacy curtain and plenty of magazines. Now I know where the good magazines are located.

My nurse made me feel comfortable by explaining everything I needed to know about the octreotide and what would be happening within the next few days. For the first three days I'll get less than a milliliter of medicine just to make sure I have no allergies or obnoxious side effects. Then on the fourth day I'll receive the 30-day version. Baby steps are always a good thing.

Well, so far so good. The shot is oil-based and requires a larger needle than I'd hoped but since I use a larger one for some of the medicines I give my goats I can't complain too much.

Moving on. I felt a bit swimmy-headed walking to my car. Not wanting to drive away from the clinic too soon, I sat there for a few minutes. I was OK in a couple of minutes. 

The really good news is that I can already tell a difference; I've only had one bowel movement since I've been home and it was decent. Before the octreotide I'd have movements of mostly diarrhea about over two hours.

Hummmm, maybe this shot will work after all. I've had diarrhea since 1998 when my gall bladder was removed. Relief, at last.

I go for tiny shot number two tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes.

Keep smiling

Met with oncologist for my three-month followup

The news was good -- all the tests indicate that my cancer is stable. No new growths, no changes. That's good. If that's good then why am I sad.

I'm sad and mad because nothing can be done to get this out of my body. I'm not a candidate for liver surgery because the tumors are scattered throughout my liver. The good news is that they haven't grown since my last CAT scan. We're in the 'let's check again in three months'. I can't imagine how expensive this experience will be. I'm feeling somewhat fatalistic this morning. Based on what I've read, having a day like this is normal. CRAP.

The good news is that carcinoid tumor cancer is extremely slow growing but they do grow.

I start my octreotide shots today because I still have diarrhea. Diarrhea has been part of life ever since I lost my gall bladder in 1999. I wonder if a CAT scan back then would have changed today's outcome.
Ahhhhhhhhhh the value in 20-20 hindsight.

The shots will start small. First I get less than a milliliter with a tiny needle. That's good. The medicine will last for a couple of days and is a test to see if I have any reactions. I hope not ... what's my other choice?

See? Told you I was a fatalist. I'll shape out of it in a minute. Bare with me.

My doctor answered all my web-found questions and even spoke kindly about the Carcinoid Cancer Foundation (CCF). I'm glad he's heard of them. Now I can continue reading the materials with an increased confidence.

ALL of my medical professionals have told me to stay OFF the web. "Don't believe what you read. Most of that information is WRONG. You're chances are better then what you'll read about." My CHANCES? These words are aimed at me and if aimed at me then my family structure will change dramatically. THAT's why I'm sad. Knew the reason would surface.



Guess I'd better start finding my animals good homes. Well, the goats at least. The dogs, cats, chickens, and horses are family. So are the goats, if the truth be known. I LOVE my goats ... but they need better, longer lasting homes. They're good goats.

That's enough for now. I need to go adjust. :)

Meditation

The Universe has an incredible way of communicating. All we have to do is listen. But listening to the Universe can be tricky. The one way I've noticed that it talks to me is when things keep coming up. For instance, the value of meditation keeps repeating itself. Every where I look, I see some message about meditation.

I get it. I get it.

Meditation is an important part of life. It used to be a part of my life but I seem to get busy and forget or simply don't take the time to slow down and meditate or reflect of the journey of the day.

Life has a way of telling you what is more important then other things. Life is telling me that meditation and growing within is important enough for me to take notice and focus inwardly.

As I learn more about it and identify resources, I'll post them here.

Deepak Chopra has several books, CDs, and learning aids about meditation. Here is one of his websites:
http://www.chopra.com/dailyinspiration

New link for carcinoid tumor cancer signs

http://www.fittodo.com/Fun-Healthy-Living/Health-And-Wellness/Medical-Conditions-A-Z/Carcinoid-Tumors.aspx


This link is the  most concise I've found on signs of carcinoid tumor cancers. As with all cancers, the earlier they're found, the better chances of survival you have.